FOMO

FOMO (i.e. fear of missing out) is very real and it’s a result of the technology and the apps we are all accustomed to using. From banking to making restaurant reservations and to dating (sugar and otherwise), this makes our lives move at a very quick pace and it gives us so many options.

What happens after we have been on two hundred dates and decide that date #106 was the best of the lot?

I saw this in myself in my sugar dating days. There was always the need to look for something else, try something different in the hopes that it would be better: the chemistry, the hot body, sex, the addiction of an interaction with someone new.

After all, we are all raised to believe we deserve the very best the universe has to offer. The problem is, how do we find that ‘best’? Does this mean we have to go through the entire SA database in the city we live in so we can find the one best sugar person to date? What happens after we have been on two hundred dates and decide that date #106 was the best of the lot? We can’t just rewind the clock and go back to seeing them. We can’t tell them “Hey, I had this FOMO thing going , I am sorry but after I dated everyone else in this town I have now decided that you were actually the best one.  Can you take me back?” Life doesn’t work in that type of rewind mode. There are no refunds or reruns. So we really need to get rid of our FOMO complex and just bite the bullet and say that “of course there will be other people out there that are better than my current date in some respects. Maybe they have a nicer car. Maybe the allowance will be a bit bigger or maybe he knows of better restaurants. Or maybe she will be a bit taller or more fit. Or larger (or smaller) breasts. But even then, maybe they will have another trait that is annoying and that will ruin the whole package. So you never know.

We have to get rid of this feeling then. It is very stressful and it sets up up for constantly searching, running in place on that treadmill and setting ourselves up for disappointment. Like they say “perfect is the enemy of good “

It only makes us keep swiping left in hopes we will find the perfect person with perfect timing.

And I am saying that doesn’t exist in reality, this perfection that we think we need. Believe me, I did in fact try dating every single person I could get my arms around. Now I regret it because during that process I neglected some ladies that would have been just great to spend more time with. Of course I can’t go back to them now, years after my little “experiment” was complete. Unfortunately I was never the person to stop looking around until I became more mature and learned to be satisfied with what I already had: A bird in hand beats three in the bush.

We need to calm down for a minute and consider that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Perhaps we can give the person we are with a bit more time and a better chance to develop.

I think that the way to think about this is as follows: FOMO is not a sign that we are in the wrong relationship. It could be a sign that we need to calm down for a minute and consider that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Perhaps we can give the person we are with a bit more time and a better chance to develop. If, after we have given it a good honest try we are still not happy, then of course move on. Otherwise there is no need to panic and think that life is passing us by and we are missing out on everything. Chances are we are not missing out at all, but it takes maturity to realize that.

A post from SeekingArrangement Blog.